The story of my very former lethal addiction is a long one... too long to tell you about here. That said, I have summarized briefly some of what I have been through and why. There’s volumes more; however, that will be in my book - hopefully, someday soon. Telling you this is for the purpose of
explaining why my soul aches to get people out of the horror of addiction. I’m here to tell you that there is a permanent end that is right in the backyard of your soul... accessible right now. It's 2016, and I'm 63 now and my former addiction lasted until 8 years ago, when I was 55. Don't let yours take up your entire life like mine almost did. Addiction is a temporary spiritual problem that demands a permanent spiritual solution. You see,addiction is simply 'sin'... just like any other sin. It requires repentance and then obedience. You have to love yourself and Go, enough to want it. Then, you need to want your freedom more than you want to breathe. So, here’s a bit of my story.
I loved my dad dearly; however, heself-medicated with alcohol. He had suffered from what we know now as, PTSD. He was an army veteran and often suffered from panic disorder and depressive episodes from what he saw overseas. He also watched his 32 year old sister die as the result of malpractice after she gave birth to her second child. My mom lost 7 children. I was the 7th child born of 8 and the only child that lived. Mom self-medicated with pills... mostly lots of Valium and some Librium here and there. These days, I've come to understand her moods and anger and I forgive her (and my dad).
As I watched them both cover their pain with pills and alcohol, I quickly learned to do the same. Children learn what they live. I was 11 when I was introduced to alcohol by my dad. We drank together often... both at home and at his favorite restaurants which we frequented often. I’m sure dad was well intentioned; however, it helped me cover my own emotional pain early on. I was never scolded when I helped myself to alcohol at home. As a matter of fact, it was encouraged. My dad, having been involved in the Mafia, told me that it was the Italian way. He told me in Italy, everyone drank wine instead of water. I couldn’t figure out why I also should because I lived in the US and none of my friends did it. Oh well. Such was life.
Much trauma befell me in childhood. Back in the day I suffered from severe anxiety and depression. I swallowed my very first 5 mg dose of Valium at age 11 that was given to me by a doctor. At age 13, my mom noticed my emotional pain and offered me her Valium and Librium. I calmed right down! Wow, I thought, these little yellow pills are just what I needed. My life seemed to be a constant spiral downward, even though I remained an honor student somehow all the years of my schooling. I even received scholarships for college. I don’t know how I did it, but I did. So, I became addicted to pills and alcohol for most of my life... until 2007, when I was completely healed of the addiction that I thought I could never let go of. I was healed by Jesus... God Himself.
Life moved forward for everyone else but me; life just seemed to keep leaving me behind. I was so lost. I couldn’t keep up. I struggled with everything... work, parenting, marriage, friends and more. There was always that missing link that I was searching for. I found that link on May 10th of 1979; however, a couple of months before that day, I downed a bottle of pills to end my life; I just couldn’t go on. I refused to believe I mattered and thought that my children would be much better off without me; I was so afraid that they would become like me. That’s the insanity of an addicted mind... you can’t think straight at all. Oddly enough, the pills went down on that day; however, God saw to it that they came right back up. Go figure God! He wanted me to live, so He kept speaking the name of His Son to me - halfway between an audible voice and a thought. I knew I had to have Jesus; however, I didn’t know how. My journey took me to receiving my Messiah and His precious Salvation on May 10th 1979, under a beautiful star filled sky at 10 pm on the back deck of my house. The problem that I figured out much, much later was that my drugs continued to be #1. God doesn’t like that;He wants to be #1 and He doesn’t want anyone taking drugs... even if they are prescribed by a doctor. So, my life got totally out of control in every way possible. Yahweh God commands that there be no other gods before Him and drugs were definitely my god at the time. They came before everything and anything. I worked hard to make sure I always had them on hand. I kept drinking as well, but alcohol was kind of a ‘supplement’ to me and I could take it or leave it.
So, I spent my teens, my 20’s, my 30’s, my 40’s, and part of my 50’s on dangerous prescription drugs until I crashed in a massive accidental prescription drug overdose in 2007. Funny how the body is, you can only torment it for so long and it gives up and breaks down. My mind had become that of a seriously addicted person, so I wasn’t thinking about ending my addiction until an horrific withdrawal overtook me and I landed in a bed in a hospital’s CCU unit waiting to die. When I ended up in the hospital, I had been taking ALL of the following prescription drugs and ALL were prescribed by ONE monster doctor who KNEW he had made me an addict and a slave to him because he had become my drug lord, my 'pimp' and dealer to whom I had to report once a month (or more) in order to get my prescriptions and avoid the horrors of withdrawal. He set me up... as he did all of his patients so that he could fill his waiting room and deep pockets. He had me taking ALL of the following prescription drugs, and I took ALL Exactly as he Prescribed: Hydrocodone, Percocet, Codeine, Fentanyl Patches, Fentanyl Tablets, Morphine, Ativan, Trazadone, Oxycontin, Darvocet, Klonopin, Methadone, and Paxcil, God will not be mocked, He says in the Bible. Even though I was 'obeying' my doctor, I was 'disobeying' God. The fog of addiction prevented me from understanding anything but making sure I had all of my 'pills' on hand. Staying on drugs was mocking Him, despite the fact that I didn’t know what was happening to me because I was so far gone into addiction. It was so bad that I didn’t even know that I as an addict. This was just my normal way of life since I was 11, so I trusted my doctor to keep me safe. He didn't. I almost lost my life. My professional career was as a nurse and I still didn’t get it... even with all that I knew.
There is so so much more to write; however, as I told you in the beginning of my story, it will be for another time and place. The point I want to make here is that prescription drug addiction is exactly the same as any illegal addiction. The only difference is that it is Insidious because it happens from a doctor's prescription! It’s also kills more victims in accidental overdoses than all other illegal drugs combined. Most people refuse to even deal with the fact that doctors can be evil... addicting patients on purpose. You heard me.... ON PURPOSE! Too many doctors are legal drug lords! Shame on them! Many feel that if a doctor prescribes these dangerous drugs then it’s okay. It’s NOT okay! Doctors are just people; they are NOT God. Too many today live a cushy professional life by prescribing addictive drugs and not caring if you live or die. This is called Iatrogenic Addiction and Iatrogenic Death... addictions and deaths caused by doctors. Their crimes are now becoming criminally prosecutorial. I want to see these monsters in prison, where other murderers reside. People are dropping like flies due to these evil doctors. Remember, doctors are smart; however, so are psychopaths and sociopaths. Please report (to the DEA, Medical Society, State Division of Licensing, etc), any doctor who prescribes dangerous addictive Opiates, Antidepressants, Anti-psychotics, Stimulants (ADD Medications), Tranquilizers and Sleeping Medications for more than the medical standard of just 3 days. I live to see these monsters put away so that the death rate stops increasing. One person dies every 19 minutes from accidental prescription drug overdose. Doctors and modern medicine are now the #! cause of accidental (and preventable) death here in the US... far exceeding motor vehicle accidents. These are unnecessary deaths from monster doctors who prescribe these drugs - in the name of greed, prosperity and power. Please hear me. I welcome your letters. I answer ALL of them within a 24 hour window... or much sooner. Just scroll all the way down to the bottom of this page and fill out my email form; or, go to my contact page or email me below. I'm here for you.
Do NOT Trust someone just because they are a Doctor!
If he or she feeds you addictive medications... RUN like the wind!
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